I can't believe this. Really, America.

Some of you who follow my blog or just know me in person, know about my medical conditions. I don't have many, but the ones I do have just seem pretty bad.

Lately, as you all know, I have cut out sugars and carbs, losing weight to become a Marine. I reached my Marine goal. I am of weight. It took eight months of grueling hard work. I cut out foods of every kinds, working out 1-3 times a day, minimum of 45 minutes. I went to PT. 41lbs lost, and 7 pant sizes down, I felt good for the first time.

Apparently, so did my body.

Most of you know that I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). I've had it since I was 14. It's where the ovaries in a woman produce too many androgens (male hormones) and cysts will grow. It messes with your entire hormonal system. Many women show signs in facial hair, acne, weight gain, irregular periods and infertility. When I hit about 13/14, my weight increased exponentially, I had severe acne, and a period once every few months. I went to the doctor and was placed on pills. I was given birth control that gave me lots of estrogen. Issue over right? For the time being. My weight was lost, my acne disappeared and I had a period like clockwork.

About halfway through college, I decided to drop the pill. I was tired of taking a pill. But I gained the weight back, my acne was worse than ever and my period once again disappeared. I was the largest I had ever been.

Right around that time, I found myself wanting to go to grad school, I ignored my body. I ate. Stress killed me. I didn't have enough time to eat, so I would binge on candy and sugar. It hurt my stomach. If I was in a hurry and didn't have any time to eat, I would eat chocolate and candy, because it would hurt my stomach and I wouldn't want to eat.

Months later, I found myself at a Marine recruiting station. I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to be a Marine. The recruiter told me that I had to drop 41lbs, and I knew it was the right direction. I started to work and workout hard. I cut out sugars, starting with candies and cakes, then moving to ice cream. Then frozen yogurt.

Around May, I found out that I had Insulin Resistance Syndrome. My body cannot metabolize sugars and my pancreas just keeps secreting more and more insulin, creating a build up, eventually developing diabetes. This includes carbohydrates (as they turn into sugars).

So, I cut out carbs and sugars (except fruit).

Weight continued to drop.



So, referring back to PCOS, I had a period (it happens sometimes), and I was like, "alright, got it, won't have another for like 5 months."

Then the next month, I had another. I was shocked. So I did some research.

I found out through looking a few things up, and figuring out my conditions, that Insulin Resistance starts at childhood. And it can cause PCOS. The extra sugar in the blood can mess with hormones, and cause PCOS. What.

The reason why PCOS is rampant in America is because of our sugar intake! I'm sure that it's because of genetic things also. And other variables. But other countries that take in less sugar has considerably less issues with their hormones!


It was then, I realized: I had basically cured my own hormone disorder, by cutting out sugar.
I had no acne. I had no weight problems (due to exercise, as well, but the cuts really helped). My cycle was regular.



So, ladies. There you have it. If you don't want to take pills and you don't want to deal with repercussions of health, cut out the bad. Work to lose weight. I believe in you all! :)

So CLOSE.

As most of you know, I have been on a weight loss journey.

January, I weighed in at 190lbs. I was a size 13/14, could barely walk up stairs without exhaustion and ate bags of candy at a time.

I passed marine corps audition for the band and I realized and was told that I was 41lbs over max weight.

So, I changed. I changed habits, eating, exercising.

Now, July, I weigh 154lbs, a size 7/8, and I can run 3-5 miles at a time, and eat lean foods, proteins, vegetables, eggs, fruit, and snack on peanuts. It was painful, but I wanted a future. I went from a large belly, to being able to see the muscles in my stomach and around my body.

In all reality, I went from being obese to healthy body fat index.
I've lost a good 36lbs in the last six-seven months (I didn't really start till the end of January).


Now I'm 5lbs away. So close. SO CLOSE.


And these days, it's really a huge focus. But I realized that I don't have a lot of hobbies besides the workout life.


So, I think I'm going to get into a ceramics class this summer. I've never really done any visual arts, because I always sold myself short on my visual arts abilities. I have always wanted to be a visual artist. It has always fascinated me. But I often viewed myself as "only musician." I'm not just a musician, but someone who has wanted to try everything. A language would  be awesome to learn, too. Coding? Building a computer?

I want some suggestions. Any thoughts?

At that stage: how to start it up! Workout and dieting tips.

I have had so many ask: how do you do it? What is your secret?

I always think of those Jenny Craig ads. Of the women who are like "I've lost 80 pounds with Jenny Craig! It's as simple as calling the number below!"

One thing I've learned in the past couple of months is it's not as easy as the number, or finding meal plans. I find it almost amusing because people seem to want an easy answer. Like, "I've found this really cheap diet that makes me forever thin and fit!" But reality is not that way. We have to fight for every inch and pound.

I still have a few more pounds to go, and a couple more months of strength and cardio training. But I thought to write this for a few friends who need help or are discouraged.


Firstly: It is not as easy as the number below. As I stated, you have to fight. That day where you just don't want to get up? Get up anyway. You're sick? find an easy work out that won't overdo it. You're injured? Find a workout that you can do to accommodate. Notice, I am not emphasizing diet. Diet is just as important, but getting up is vital. The first month of workouts, my ankles and knees acted up, so I would switch running with the bike. It was an easier fix than I had thought. But once you have the mindset of getting up every day, you will find a change.

This leads me to the second point. You will only get out what you put in. It's really the law. If you workout 3 times a week, you will get less than say, 5 times a week. Or just a higher intensity rate. I'm not saying to overwork yourself, if anything, ease into it, so your body can adapt. But thinking you will lose a tremendous amount of weight on 3 days a week of a 30 minute class or walking for years to come (after becoming fit) is inaccurate. You should always look to up the workout and time. You will get more out of it.

Third: It is all in your mind. I'm not saying to ignore injuries. But one thing a marine once taught me: we convince ourselves out of what we can actually do. I use to think that I wouldn't ever be able to run under 10 minutes a mile. Until I found myself saying, "I will," I made little progress. Now, I can run a 9 minute mile.

Which leads to our fourth idea. DO NOT ignore injuries. Ever. I mean it. It is one thing to have the burn of workouts, but when it becomes pain, and to the point of tearing and breaking, STOP and SLOW DOWN. One issue I find with people starting out or trying a new program is that they ignore their body's pleas for rest and they end up straining or breaking. I found that I had the beginnings of shin splints, and the closest way to get rid of them was to rest and find a balance while stretching (and I didn't want to rest, trust me). Did you know that shin splints can eventually cause stress fractures? I didn't.

This is very related to point number five. Make sure every part of the body is rested. If your legs are in pain, stretch. If you are feeling sick, get your proper amount of rest. You can't expect to run a marathon on a 102 degree fever. Don't try to push to hard. You can always try yoga, or just stretching to accommodate a bad day.

Leading into point number six, which is helpful for different individuals. Look at your body type. There are three basic body types: ectomorph, mesomorph, and endomorph. Ectos tend to be very thin, with a fast metabolism. They're your "greyhounds" so to speak. Mesos are known to be the muscular, ideal body type when at the peak of health. Endos are a little thicker and stockier. Ectos generally have a natural inclination to cardio, but need much strength training to keep them healthy looking and ideal. They have a hard time gaining weight. Mesos are the muscular type. They need a healthy combo of strength and cardio, but don't have an unnatural incline to either. They can gain weight or muscle easily, it all depends on a lifestyle. Endos are very strong, but need a lot of cardio to stay fit. They gain weight very easily, but have a hard time losing. I found in my ventures that I'm mainly a Mesomorph, with a couple of endomorphic tendencies. It was interesting, because I thought I could get away with only cardio. Then I began to plateau and discovered that I needed strength training as well. I got back on track with losing weight.

This is very good to point seven. Doing only one thing will eventually leave you at a dead end.
Try swimming the next day. Or maybe lifting weights. Don't just run every single day. Your body will get use to it, and it will plateau faster than you can say "lose weight." Change it up! To help, don't seclude yourself to a gym, but go outside (I know it takes courage, but you can do it! :) ).

All this to say, you cannot make a change in your mind without changing the food. Drinking diet soda, eating slightly better fast food, and sugar free chocolate will not get you anywhere. But, only eating like a rabbit will not get you anywhere, either. There's always an alternative. Instead of Macdonalds, think of Subway. Instead of chocolate, get some strawberries. Let me tell you, the first month is awful, especially with food addiction. I was a sugar addict. For the first month, cut out the obvious bad. On the second month, allow yourself little treats here and there (not every other night, but like once a week). If you like a whole bunch of chips, get some veggie sticks, or something similar to munch on. My saving grace was trail mix and odwalla bars. I love goldfish and chocolate, so I found the few things that changed it. Snack on veggies. Find foods that are like the ones you like, but are obviously healthy. AND CUT OUT SODA AND JUICE. Believe it or not, they can dehydrate. Juice is okay at a moderate level (but it tends to be pure sugar. why ingest?). If you cannot handle no flavor, get the flavor squirters to put in your water. Plenty of people do it as an alternative. Just do not drink soda or juice. I've met too many people with issues caused by soda.
Lastly, watch food allergies. Some weight gain is caused by allergies, lactose intolerance, and gluten intolerance. Watch these! They can also lead to fatigue and pain, which deters from working out. If you suspect allergies, get tested! So then, you know what you can eat. I found that I was lactose intolerant, and switching regular milk with almond milk helped me along. BUT don't get hyper sensitive. Just because your friend is gluten intolerant doesn't mean you are.
Another thing that is very common: Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (a thing I have) is very common among women with weight gain. But recent studies show that these women produce twice as much insulin as a regular person. So, if I eat a candy bar, and a normal person eats a candy bar, I will produce twice as much, causing me to gain weight faster. This applies to carbs, because it turns to a sugar! Don't assume any excess weight means you have PCOS, but if you have other symptoms like not menstruating, hair loss, facial hair (sometimes), weight gain, etc (it varies per woman), go check it out! Knowing means you can take hormones or natural supplements, which is helpful and can eat better.


ANYWAY. I know this is a lot of information. But it is what has helped me along the way.

What is my secret? This stuff. And it takes work, but once put in, you'll find a huge reward at the end of the tunnel.

The Change is Happening.

It wasn't until a couple of days ago that I had felt this way.

Every morning, I walk in the bathroom (or rather stumble, but I pretend like I'm graceful in my head), strip for my shower and stare at the reflection in the mirror. I routinely pinch spots that need improving, looking for possibly a positive look on my body. I find skin flaws, hair issues, and a somewhat chubby face. I have splotches of occasional acne and darker spots from freckles and scars of my adolescence (not like cutting, but pimple spots).

Anyway, a couple of days ago, I meandered my way to the bathroom, did my routine and stared at my reflection.

And then I did a double take.

What in the world? Who was that?

It was like a switch and my eyes were open. I found a different woman. Yes, maybe emotionally changed, but I searched the body.

I liked my reflection. For the first time in four years.


For those of you who don't know, I auditioned for the Marine Corps band and passed. I was ready to be a musician and a Marine, and I was ecstatic. But there was a couple of things holding me back: The fact I was 36lbs over the weight maximum for my height, and the other fact of me not being able to run to save my life.

I remember my recruiter looking at me for a second and then saying, "ah, you'll lose the weight. 36lbs is nothing. Some have lost way more. You just need to want it and work hard enough, because the mentality nowadays is to coast and find the easiest way. And this is not easy."

Four years of struggling in college to find reasons to lose weight, and it switched something. Maybe it was the fact my career was on the line because of my physical fitness. Maybe because I secretly wanted to work. I will never really know which is the real reason. My freshman year of college, I gained 20lbs. Sophomore year, 10lbs, Junior year, 10lbs, and part of senior year was about 2lbs. So, you could say I was pretty portly.

Once the recruiter said that to me, about being able to lose the weight, something burned inside of me.

I want this. I want to be the best musician. I want to lose this weight and reach my full potential. I want this. And within a few minutes, it turned into: I am going to lose the weight, be in the Marines, and serve my country while playing my clarinet. This is what I was destined for.
I knew that I had a long way to go. But I wasn't about to give up.

The first week was hell. Two pound loss, and health food. I had gone cold turkey on the bad stuff. And IT WAS AWFUL. I will not downplay it. Giving up chocolate was the worst feeling of my life. I use to go to stores and buy large bags at a time, and then down it. When I was an intense athlete in high school, I got away with it. But not this time. And I knew I had to. I remember throwing all the chocolate in my cupboards away and silently weeping. (I found other alternatives, like chocolate Odwalla. So good.) What's sad, is I remember reading a couple of studies talking about the addictiveness of sugar and how the part of the brain that reacts to cocaine would react to sugar in the same way, and that frightened me. To this day, I still struggle not to eat the cookie. But I resist (when it's full fat and awful).

But every week, the workouts became easier. The health food was easier to process. My addictive feeling to sugar started to subside slightly (like I said, I think I will always struggle with it). I remember the first time I had timed a mile and a half, I was at a 27:35. Yes. I walked most of it, at a slower pace, because running hurt my joints and my legs, and badly. I remember getting home after a workout, almost in tears, because there would be that one girl that would snicker at me in the gym, or I would get the "why are you here" looks. Like I already lost my chance at health. But I kept going.

Eventually, I began to run outside (for me, it took a lot of courage). It went from a half a lap straight to a full lap, then to two, then three. I was able to last more than five minutes. My feet stopped hurting and my joints recovered and the pain disappeared. I started to run in town, and became that woman that I envied, when I would watch her run, wishing I could do that. Breathing became easy.

Before I knew it, I was down fifteen pounds. Then twenty. Then twenty-five. I lost inches around my waist, hips, bust, legs and arms. My clothes were falling off, and I went from a size 13/11 to a size 7/9 (you know how brands work). Shirts that had not even fit up my arms, and not even close around my torso fit perfectly. The only downside about my changes were my legs: the muscle grew larger than the fat had, so now the pants don't fit quite right. But they are very muscly.

I didn't realize the change until this recognition in the mirror. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I thought to myself, I am pretty. I knew I still had about 11lbs to go. and I was okay with it. I would lose the last bit. But I could see the real me which had been hiding underneath weight. I always thought the people in the Biggest Loser were crazy when they said that. I mean, I understood them, but I was always like, "yeah, okay." But I felt the way they said it. I could see muscle, form, a prominent chin with high cheekbones. My eyes crinkled with happiness. Who knew that such a change would make me feel so free? I was so much closer to my goals to becoming a Marine.

The fitness test to get into boot camp was my goal. The mile and a half had to be done in 15:00 (keep in mind, my original time was 27:35), arm hang at 18 seconds at least, and crunches at 44 in two minutes.

This last weekend, I did the arm hang in 38 seconds. I blew my mind by running a mile and a half at 14:14. I didn't quite pass my crunches (it was RIGHT after running, so I was beat). But I was close enough to the goal (at 38), that I wasn't worried.



So, all this to say, is that I am changing. I feel better, I know that I have a bright future ahead of me.

This has been quite a journey.

As I write this, I listen to Dvorak's Symphony No.9, mvmt 2. And I feel like it reflects how I feel. The beautiful melodies, of the English horn, oboe, clarinet, flutes, and horns. And I realize that one day, I will play professionally, and it will come soon. I will (hopefully) play this symphony one day (probably when I'm out of the military band, after retirement).

I am excited where I will go and what I am capable of. Even now, excitement swells within and I smile with tears forming.

I am truly blessed.
Let's do this thing.